It has been so long since I wrote a blog. Recently started a YouTube channel and it has kept me busy. I seriously love the feel of just typing and not having to worry how I look while recording though, lol. It’s now been 2 months having a channel and I seriously have had ups and downs already but its so much fun, and I love doing it.
Besides being busy on YouTube, lets talk about what REALLY keeps me busy 24/7. Ever since I had my youngest, Benny, 6 months ago I’m going to admit I never experienced life being such a challenge everyday. At first I was so confused as to what I was feeling and had no idea how express or make the feeling go away. My oldest just turned 3, terrible two’s is not even a thing let me just say that. When does your child stop saying “mami” 10-15 times before he says he wants me to get him some apple juice? I would hate for someone reading this to think I hate being a mom, or am just complaining. If you are a mom who has felt this way though, your shaking your head saying YUP or are probably crying if its been that bad lately. I am one of those moms, I see long Facebook posts about it all the time, saying it’ll be okay. The first 2 months of when Benny were the hardest, my husband at the time had a job with no set hours. He would leave either at 1am, 3am, or 6am, anything in between and sometimes after that. At times work 17 hour shifts because that’s what was max per day. I seriously thought I was gonna go crazy. (I seriously praise single moms, I look up to yall.) Everyday that my husband would come home I felt myself (not literally) but throwing our kids at him, saying I was done for the day. Obviously that’s unrealistic though, my husband still had to eat dinner, shower, use the restroom, whatever it was I saw myself getting angry because he had to do those things because I knew I would had to be with the kids alone once again. People might say they are there for you or say they’ll help but when exactly will I randomly text or call someone and tell them crying that I wanna give up sometimes?
Some days while my 3 year old is crying throwing a fit, meanwhile my 6 month old is screaming his head of and nothing is comforting, I join in on the group cry and sit there praying to God to just give me strength to make it through another bad day. Trust me it’s not like this everyday, I have it together sometimes. On the bad days though I have a hard time remembering what a good day felt like. I don’t even know what the purpose of this blog was, but if any mom out there can relate, I promise the beginning is the hardest but yes it slowly gets better. I have got to start enjoying the good days more. Our kids will not be this little forever. They won’t always need me like they do now. I would literally do anything for them, but every now and then a mom has the right to express the way she feels.