things we don’t talk about.

It has been so long since I wrote a blog. Recently started a YouTube channel and it has kept me busy. I seriously love the feel of just typing and not having to worry how I look while recording though, lol. It’s now been 2 months having a channel and I seriously have had ups and downs already but its so much fun, and I love doing it.

 

Besides being busy on YouTube, lets talk about what REALLY keeps me busy 24/7. Ever since I had my youngest, Benny, 6 months ago I’m going to admit I never experienced life being such a challenge everyday. At first I was so confused as to what I was feeling and had no idea how express or make the feeling go away. My oldest just turned 3, terrible two’s is not even a thing let me just say that. When does your child stop saying “mami” 10-15 times before he says he wants me to get him some apple juice? I would hate for someone reading this to think I hate being a mom, or am just complaining. If you are a mom who has felt this way though, your shaking your head saying YUP or are probably crying if its been that bad lately. I am one of those moms, I see long Facebook posts about it all the time, saying it’ll be okay. The first 2 months of when Benny were the hardest, my husband at the time had a job with no set hours. He would leave either at 1am, 3am, or 6am, anything in between and sometimes after that. At times work 17 hour shifts because that’s what was max per day. I seriously thought I was gonna go crazy. (I seriously praise single moms, I look up to yall.) Everyday that my husband would come home I felt myself (not literally) but throwing our kids at him, saying I was done for the day. Obviously that’s unrealistic though, my husband still had to eat dinner, shower, use the restroom, whatever it was I saw myself getting angry because he had to do those things because I knew I would had to be with the kids alone once again.  People might say they are there for you or say they’ll help but when exactly will I randomly text or call someone and tell them crying that I wanna give up sometimes?

 

Some days while my 3 year old is crying throwing a fit, meanwhile my 6 month old is screaming his head of and nothing is comforting, I join in on the group cry and sit there praying to God to just give me strength to make it through another bad day. Trust me it’s not like this everyday, I have it together sometimes. On the bad days though I have a hard time remembering what a good day felt like. I don’t even know what the purpose of this blog was, but if any mom out there can relate, I promise the beginning is the hardest but yes it slowly gets better. I have got to start enjoying the good days more. Our kids will not be this little forever. They won’t always need me like they do now. I would literally do anything for them, but every now and then a mom has the right to express the way she feels.

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Mother-crazy-hood!

 

As you can clearly see in these crazy pictures that are so adorable, my hands are full all day everyday. I literally have not had the time to write these pasts 2 weeks because of how busy I have been. As I’m typing this I’m patting my little one to sleep with one hand. These past few weeks I have looked like a zombie with hair looking like it hasn’t been brushed in days. Wait, have I? Just kidding.

 

 

Having one kid had its bad days but with two, its more like a madhouse. Lol can someone give me the secrets on how you don’t go crazy? I think every mother has by now mastered the doing your makeup with one hand. We hear it all the time that mothers need more recognition for what they do, I couldn’t agree more but I can say husbands do just as amazing providing for the whole family. It is very difficult though.

Between a cluster eating 3-month-old (may i just boast he just started holding his own bottle as well! lol) and a constantly hungry toddler, I barely have time to send texts to my husband during the day. It can very much feel lonely and sad being a stay at home mom, especially when your husband doesn’t have a set work schedule. It is currently 12:30am and my husband leaves for work in less than an hour.  The rewarding thing about it all is, I can’t help but smile when my little one smiles and laughs so much when I call him “gordo” and my toddler comes to sit next to me and randomly hugs me. Although us mothers can’t eat a meal in peace, go to the restroom alone, or even get ready without interruption I’m 99.9% sure every mother would say they wouldn’t change a thing in their life for anything. It is all so worth it.

 

 

Our babies will not stay babies forever, we must enjoy them. Teach them all the good things, let them cry out to us, let them learn from the smallest things and never underestimate that they’re “too little” to understand something, because they are very smart. Even on my bad days, I try my best to never show frustration to them, especially to my toddler who is understanding more and more each day. I spend time with him as much as I can and give him the attention by playing with him when his little brother is calm alone. I always wonder if it would just be easier if my little one wasn’t so clingy to me if it’d just be easier. I honestly don’t know about a life “taking breaks” without my kids even at least once a month. It is not a bad thing, I just don’t have the privilege too though. So if you do, you are blessed sista lol. Me & husband chose this beautiful life, so we enjoy it as much as we can even if we can’t go out on dates like we’d like to. One day when both my babies are a little grown up, we can all enjoy it together. Well, as always thanks for getting through this whole little rant, until next time!

 

p.s. please leave comments if you have any suggestions for next topics!

Calling someone “skinny” or “fat” impact the same way.

My biggest insecurity my whole life has always been on how skinny I am. Up until this day it still creeps up on me on the daily I am reminded how much I wish I can change that. I’ve always been told “being skinny isn’t a bad thing! Stop complaining.” Yet those same people would be the ones to tell me “omg you look super skinny in that dress, etc.” I don’t think anyone I’ve ever known besides my husband & sister Karla truly understand this issue. Everyone always defends girls who are body shamed on being big and being called “fat” but never take it into consideration it’s the exact same thing calling someone “skinny.” Since I was in middle school I noticed clothes wouldn’t look as nice as other girls in my class. Not only that obvious thing I noticed, but many guys in my class not even being dramatic would make fun of me. Yes, I understand everyone gets bullied, but this is my story.

Every time someone said something I would either cry, say something mean back, or just ignore it. Sometimes I would just come home crying over some comment made. I remember my mom would always tell me I was being overdramatic and that I looked fine. Let’s get something straight though, a nice comment coming from your own mother wasn’t something that automatically made everything else okay lol. I always told her she didn’t understand me and only said nice things because she was my mom. This issue was never solved, it’s not that I don’t eat, trust me I overeat. The fact that I’m only 15 pounds heavier than I was in high school just proves not even having 2 kids helped me gain weight like I thought it would. Highschool was the exact same if I’m just being honest. The comments never stopped, they only got worse. I always tried to drink protein shakes, work out, eat even more than I already did but I never gained a pound. In fact, I would just lose weight trying to work out. People can just be so mean, and everyone knows it. I’m not saying I’ve never bullied anyone because I have, and I feel terrible. The thing is, you never know how you can hurt someone’s feeling or what they struggle with and you make fun of them without even knowing they don’t like that one thing about them. Its not only weight either, people come at you for having breakouts on your face or even if you have an accent. Truth is we all struggle or are insecure about something. I always feel like girls are so mean to each other. Instead of lifting one another we bash about the smallest things. We’ve all been guilty of it and that is not okay. We all know what if feels like when a girl stranger at a store just tells you “I really like that outfit it looks nice on you” or anything along those lines and it can just make your whole day. It’s always nice to tell someone a nice comment you genuinely mean. There is no reason to always be on each other’s back on who did or wore what and judge each other on it. Imagine how many friends we’d make if we were all just that way.

 

I’ve now just learned to love myself the way I look, though. Being depressed or angry about is obviously not making me feel better about myself. Today’s society makes all girls want to look a certain way, I know I catch myself comparing myself sometimes which is so unhealthy. Learn to love yourself and spread positivity in this damaged world we live in today! Until next time 🙂

Tube ligation at 22?!

For starters let’s clear up what tube ligation really means. If you thought like me you’re thinking you go in for surgery for your doctor to literally “tie” your tubes. What I had done is called Laparoscopic Tubal Ligation. To not bore you with medical words they basically cut two tiny incisions near my belly button, went in, cut my tubes in two, and cauterized the ends. They put me to sleep so I didn’t feel a thing. Preparation and surgery altogether probably took no more than 3 hours. I woke up & not even an hour later I was on my way home. (yes this pic is right after my surgery on medication lol) You might also be judging saying I’m probably too young and don’t know what I want. That’s okay too because many family members before surgery judged or asked if I was sure. Maybe after reading this it might explain a little or not and that’s okay as well.

 

Our first born – Mason Miles Perales

My husband Ricardo & I currently have a handsome 2-year-old, we were very content at the thought that he would be our only child. Everything seemed so easy and not like parents/adults described it being like. Yes he went through sleep regressions, teething, and of course the tantrums. We always said “man if we have another baby there’s no way they’ll be this easy.” As we saw him playing alone when we’d be home, came the thought of him with no siblings and made us second guess what we really wanted. I grew up having 6 siblings and my husband with 3. We right away said “no, we have to at least give him another sibling.”

Weeks after discussing it, and agreeing we needed another baby Perales we were pregnant with our second child Benny Blake Perales. If you’re wondering dang that’s so soon, we agree lol but we wanted them close in age. Now having Benny here we can’t even imagine life without our second tiny bundle of joy who is now 2 and a half months. During my pregnancy me and husband talked about “what if we just have 2 children?” the thought of it just sounded so perfect. Never having to start all overs again. After a few weeks at my doctor’s appointment we decided to talk to my doctor about it. She of course asked if i was sure (not my husband because they don’t even need to consent… what?!) because I was so young, and because it was my second child. I was more than sure though. Before I knew it at 6 months pregnant I was signing a consent form for a tube ligation (in case i went into labor early). You must be 21 and have 2 children to get the procedure done. This is something that yes was a big deal, but we do not want anymore. We think it’s the best decision because the fact that its only two kids we can try our best to give them everything we never had and so much more. Children are such a beautiful blessing but if I’m being completely honest it’s not easy, its expensive. I am 22, my husband is 23 and the fact that we’re so young is even better that once they get a bit older we can travel with them and they can enjoy that. Many people choose to travel before kids or even no kids at all, that’s perfect too! With the world going in the wrong direction with so many sick & thirsty people with the desire to take young children scares me. I have not gone out alone with my kids for that reason. (that’s for another blog post by the way!) I had the surgery done 6 weeks after I gave birth and currently it’s been a month after the procedure.

2 boys? No girls?!

Since we have 2 boys everyone frequently asks, “don’t you want a baby girl?” the answer is a no. Would we been happy if we had a girl? Yes. We wanted a boy both times though and God blessed us with them. Reason why I didn’t is because I grew up with 4 sisters and 1 brother, so I think I was more than okay with boys lol. I also have a beautiful niece named Emma-Grace, & another niece Calliope on the way as well! If I ever get baby girl fever I have them to rely on ha-ha. May I just add though that what is up with most people wanting parents to have 1 boy 1 girl? Since when has having all boys or all girls become unusual? Lol. Or the fact that people always ask couples when they’re having babies is not okay. It’s not something everyone wants, I mean it’s a lifetime responsibility. Accept their decision, always! Anyways I hope this gave you a better perspective on our decision& why we chose to do this. I hope you guys enjoyed this story time, until next time!

Everyday is the same..

First post ever and I don’t even know if anyone will read it but here is a bit of my family, my precious 2 kids. Husband isn’t in pic but that’s for another post!

Being a stay at home mom can feel so repeatedly sometimes. Waking up, feeding the baby, making breakfast for my toddler & I, working out, and next thing I know it’s back and forth on which kid needs me, bath time and it’s already 4pm. Everyday now I think what can be different so everyday won’t feel the same?

Maybe that’s how I went crazy on my laundry day a couple days ago, washing everything in sight, cleaning the fans, and just extra cleaning. Boy did my day fly by even quicker! I think maybe I need to interact more with mom friends?!

Until next post here’s to all stay at home mommas & working mommas that you’re a great momma no matter what you do 9-5!